Nihilism – not waving, drowning.

Gentile or Jew, O you who turn the wheel and look to windward, Consider Phlebas, who was once handsome and tall as you. T.S.Elliot, 'The Waste Land', IV. I’ve been trying so hard to make all this suffering mean something. But it’s been me deciding what has been meaningful, and kicking myself into making that... Continue Reading →

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The Tower

I can't say that all of this has been "bad" as an experience, although the pain has been intense. However, if I had to learn the hard way that "I" don't exist, then that's the way it just happened.

Scaredy-cat; or Cat-like grace

When I was about 13 or 14 years old, a neighbour's newly rescued bull terrier busted through our backyard fence and attacked one of our cats. It was very lucky that this poor dog had been so badly neglected by a prior owner that he only had four teeth, so Motley (named for one of my... Continue Reading →

when the abyss stares back into you

she offered me the void I denied my desire, her call and instead built a fortress as if it could hold me keep me safe contain me   tastefully decorated in muted tones, casual observers couldn't tell its foundation stones were a dungeon of sadness   she burnt it   she snuck in through the... Continue Reading →

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